Finishing up this blog a few days before I am leaving for Costa Rica!!! And a few days after I got back from Samaritan's Purse in Louisiana, where I helped with hurricane relief and got my first taste of what it's like to work on the actual mission field. God has shown up and shown out here in my time in Georgia and my time at Samaritan's Purse… What have I learned? He is a God of true peace and someone who cares so deeply for his children. He is not just the God we see in church every Sunday and feel during that 30 minute worship. He is the God of every minute, every second, he sits with us as we eat every meal, as we drive alone, or as I lay in my tent writing this. He is with me and he is good and he brings me my peace. 

My last month in Colorado was honestly not much of what I wanted looking back on it.  

My last days spent working at Qdoba almost every night from 3pm to 10 pm cooking food I didn’t like, working with coworkers who I struggled to see eye to eye with, a GM who quit the job herself a few days before my last days.

 My last days spent looking for people to donate to my trip, and going to coffee with them. Even though I am so thankful for the people who donated to me, this being my first time ever having to ask anyone for money other than my parents it was very hard and stressful. 

My last days spent dealing with some shame from a situation I put myself in at my church and having to handle repercussions. 

My last days spent saying goodbye to my Mom, my Dad, my two sisters Aubrey and Brielle, my Aunt Amie who has been one of my biggest supporters my entire life. Saying goodbye to our two sweet puppies Zia and Zona, and even our cat Jovie, who I dislike for the most part got a few sympathetic goodbye pets. 

My last days spent making sure I got 1 on 1 time with all of my friends, who I was leaving for the first time in almost four years and some of them even dating back to middle school friendships. Some of them being last day goodbyes and some of them leaving for college before I left. 

My last days spent putting off packing till the last minute. Stressing about what clothing I was gonna take. If everything I needed to bring would fit in my bag, and weigh less than 50 pounds. 

My last days spent making sure I got my favorite last meals, making sure I drove my car enough because I wouldn’t be driving. 

My last days spent with my girlfriend at the time, saying goodbye knowing deep down what I felt was coming in the future knowing God had some different plans over my life. 

While yes this is all just a part of saying goodbye. It was different. I was not seeking God very well in my last few weeks at home, instead just seeking the people around me and the things around me that were safe and were home. I didn't feel any peace about leaving them or home. I did not feel ready for what I was about to step into. 

But through it all he is a God of peace, and he really is who he says he is. My time in Gainesville he has shown me that so abundantly. Over my time here he has laid Psalm 119 on my heart. Constantly turning to it when I’m anxious, when I’m feeling homesick, when I’m sick of not having a laundry machine, when I wanna pet my dogs, when I want to get in my car and drive to the Starbucks down the road and get my brown sugar oat milk espresso. Instead of feeling no sense of control and an overwhelming anxiety. I don’t feel the need to have control over any of it because he has all the power and I can give it all to him. 

Now for Psalm 119 and some of the key phrases that have spoken to me. Phrases and verses that give me the overwhelming sense of peace, only he can give me.

All your commands are trustworthy

I told you my plans and you answered 

I will walk in freedom 

Unfailing Love 

Joyful are people of integrity who follow the instructions of the Lord 

Open my eyes to see the wonderful truth in your instructions 

The very essence of your word is truth 

I have wandered away like a lost sheep come and find me for I have not forgotten your commands 

Keep me from lying to myself, give me the privilege of knowing your instruction 

Your love will last forever and your laws 

He has declared his peace over my heart, and for the first time in my life I really trust that he is who he says he is.